I Don't "Buy" That For One Minute

I had this roommate once who had a little bit of a kleptomania problem. I would regularly realize that she had taken money from my wallet, makeup from my room, or my food.  She began to get more bold about it.  I had just purchased a shirt and put it in my closet with the tag still attached.  I went to wear it a couple days later and it was missing.  A couple days following that, my roommate showed up with a shopping bag.  As usual, I asked to see what she had found while shopping.  She pulled out of the bag MY SHIRT!  The shirt I HAD JUST BOUGHT!!!  I knew it was the shirt I had just bought because of the marking on the tag.  She had the nerve to steal it out of my closet and pass it off as if she had just bought it.  I said, "Funny... I just bought that same shirt and now I can't seem to find it."  She said, "Guess we have the same taste!"  She must seriously have thought that I was stupid enough to believe she didn't steal it from me!  She quickly changed the subject and went to her room.  I stole it back later.  Bitch.

L.

Cookin up something special

This one time I had this fry pan.  Sweet pan.  Probably $30.  Well it was a couple years old so had some scratches in the Teflon.  A roommate of mine decided that while I was gone they would surprise me and do something nice.  When I got home.  They showed me... they were so excited... they thought they were being so helpful... they had scraped all the Teflon off of the pan... well as much as they could get.... pan... now useless!  Now that takes brains.

J.

Here's a fucking nickel for your jam

I had this roommate in college who was cool.  but when she let loose.... watch out.  She was in a mood and I was in a mood and here is how the story goes... She skips down the stairs peppy as can be... goes to the kitchen... I'm sitting on the couch just chillin watchin tv.  She goes to the fridge and makes a PBJ with MY strawberry jam... I say... "go ahead and use my jam"... she comes out screaming... "HERE'S A FUCKING NICKEL FOR YOUR JAM!!!!"  hahahaha simple... basic... typical... shit my roommate did.

J.